Sometimes people wear a mask that hides their true intentions. I've seen,lived and learned from this. I'm sure many have used this mask to cover their deceiving thoughts and plans. I too am sure I've committed this crime... pretending i'm someone else. Yet I've learned to be different to always show my true self. Why would anyone want to pretend they love/like and or care for someone if what they want/think is the complete opposite... why hurt someone who has done nothing to hurt you actually maybe even done what's best for you. I've had this happen several times with in my 16 years of life... there's going to be more i know it. They pretend they want to help but the case was different then that they turn around stab me in the back with all these horrible made up lies. why lie lie lie? Why pretend to accept me, yes i want to be accepted but i definitely would rather be not accepted then be brought into a situation thats good then turns onto a nightmare and i will never be accepted in that place again. Why make up horrible lies about someone who's innocent, but no means am I pure but I am innocent in allot of situations. I'm not the horrible person they make me out to be. I honestly truly want love, peace and happiness for everyone... that's not just going to happen and it breaks my heart to know the innocent people in this world that get hurt. People are mean, cruel and deceiving to each other. Most of the pain in our lives is caused by others, even by the ones we love most and the ones that are supposed to love you. Why do we hurt? Why do we want to hurt? We are people too. Everyone hurts it's life and it's horrible, why do we cause unneeded pain? does it make us feel better, how? Hurting someone can result into many horrible things. examples: addictions, self confliction and even suicide. Many people don't even realize how badly they're hurting others. It horrifies me to see someone destroy a loved one especially when they don't see what they're doing, it's right there in front of them they're doing this, but they are blind to the situation. They keep hurting and destroying the ones they love, they may say they love them. But honestly how could you torture someone so bad and then they say they love them, they're showing hate. Hate and love are opposites get that through your head.


I have so much to learn about this world and the people in it. I'm determined to save myself from hurting. I've seen and felt too much pain.

i have lots to tell. really deep things

i'll be back to updating all the time soon, lots has changed.



please watch out for my next update it will be very deep.

i swear smoke keeps me alive although it's slowly killing me. i feel empty without him laying beside me, or on top of me.i usually only go to one class, i act very immature there. after march break it's overtime for me i need  to lose weight, make him desire me. i have given him every piece of me i can give. i need to find a deep depressing book and suggestions? i will try and be the girl he will always remember i hate being forgotten. they say to not give yourself away and not be available, but that's exactly the way i want to be. i spend too much money on chronic. i want his touch. i know i have fallen deep for the boy, i fell in love at first touch. we have been officially been dating for a month, it's not a big deal i just hope it keeps going this well. i can't resist him, it's impossible. i want summer so bad. sometimes i feel like puking would just make everything better, i just can't bring myself to do it. i need to cleanse my soul.